And if he’s not willing to dance, you can’t force him. The truth is, if he doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship right now or if he doesn’t feel ready, it’s not going to work. What you really want is to spend Friday night holding each other, dreaming aloud of your future together. In your heart of hearts, you don’t want to be friends. So now that you know where he stands, the question is…where do you want to go from here? When He Just Wants to Be Friends You deserve the relationship that you really want.
In other words, he’s saying “if you choose me, you’re not going to get the relationship you really want. He knows that he can’t meet your needs the way that you want him to.Īnd he knows that you are more invested in making this romantic relationship work than he is able or willing to be. When he says “you deserve better,” it’s because he knows you’re not getting your needs met and that you’re not having the relationship that you really want with him.
His lack of readiness would undermine his ability to be truly present and available for the kind of relationship that you really want, which is why he’s saying things like “you deserve better…”. He’s saying that he’s not ready for a romantic relationship he’s saying there are other issues that he wants to work on.Īnd it sounds like he’s aware that if he got into a relationship with you right now, he wouldn’t be able to give you and the relationship the attention it deserves. His desire to work on some things with his teenage kids, instead of working on a relationship with you, speaks to his relationship readiness: he’s not ready for a new relationship right now. You risk getting into a relationship where he’s with you because of what you can do for him (soothe his wounds, perhaps), instead of because of who you are. However, as you said, it sounds like he has some healing to do.Īnd you’re right, that healing has to come from within himself and his own resources-not from you.īecause if you try to “rescue” him, then you risk becoming a crutch. I know this is a hard situation to be in…when he pulls away every time you both get close. I’m glad you’re finding the website content helpful! What do you think? Do you think there is still a chance? Any suggestions? However, I think since he is so confused and has so much going on that it would good for us to not have any contact for at least one to two months and he initiate most of the contact.ĭuring this time, I focus on me and I can give him time and space to heal and maybe miss me. It is going to be hard but I care enough about him and us to do that. However, he has said now that I will “be happier with someone else, trust me.” Maybe I need to move on, don’t wait for him but we can be friends for now. We are keeping the line of communication open. I do think space and time away from each other is what we both need.
Just as long as you love me tillitson how to#
I want to be the one.Īny suggestions on how to get out of the friend zone and let him know this can work. We have a great friendship and chemistry.
Is this a lost cause? Oh yea, we have been a constant in each other’s lives for one and half years. I don’t like being in the friends zone but I guess that is better than nothing. He says “you deserve better and you will be happier with someone else.” His kids miss him a lot and he is thinking about moving back to where they live but does not want too. He has gone back and forth for the past three months. I think this is best for right now but it is hard. He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship right now and wants us to be friends. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. I want to be the one he wants to share life with.Įvery time we get close, he pulls away. I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. He has healed some emotionally and mentally but I do agree he needs more time to heal. The second marriage he says was a mistake. His kids live eight hours away and he feels they need him more now. We have only been on three dates because he works five hours away. He says that there is a lot going on with the kids and feels torn between me and his kids. I have been talking and kind of dating a divorced guy with two kids for seven months. I also provide guidance on how to assess the odds of whether a romantic relationship will really last. In my response, I provide guidance on how to approach this issue, including specific scenarios in which a friendship with your ex could work, and scenarios for when it won’t. Today’s article is in response to a question from a reader (via Ask Melissa!) about what to do if you’re in love with a man but he just wants to be friends.
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